An Exposé on Aging – Pt. 2, My Conversation with God

My talk with the mirror lingers as I quietly enter the Father’s throne room. I feel His voice. “Come closer, my child. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

I marvel as His warmth draws me into His presence. “No one has called me child in a very long time.”

“You will always be my child. My relationship with you is not bound by time and distance. My love for you is eternal and my mercies are new every morning.”

“I needed to hear that, Lord. As you know, I just celebrated my seventy-fourth birthday. Of course, this isn’t news to you. After all, you formed me in my mother’s womb. And before I was born, you recorded all my days, didn’t you?”

“I did. I love you so much I never stop thinking about you. You are wonderfully made, you know. Even if I do say so myself. You do know I’ll never leave or forsake you, don’t you?”

“Yes, and I’m grateful. I’ll admit there were times I would have left myself if I could. Speaking of birthdays, remember how I struggled on my fortieth?  And now, look at me.  I’m really getting old.”

“I know you feel old. But, think of your age in light of eternity. In reality, you are forever young.”

“Are you teasing me, Lord?”

His smile pierces my heart. “I am, a bit. Now, what would you like me to give you for this birthday?”

Contemplating my answer, I think of the ups and downs of my writing life. Surely He knows how my heart aches to write for Him. But I’m filled with regrets over the hours and years I’ve wasted. I wish desperately to have them back. And now I fear I don’t have enough years left to redeem the lost time nor the unfulfilled dreams. I dig deep for the truth lodged in my heart. I fear success as much as I do failure.  

Sure, I still want adventure in my life. I want to grow and learn and experience new things. But how do I do that at my age? Is it too late? Have I squandered my dreams and twisted them into mere pipe dreams, impossible and unattainable? 

                  As I ponder how to present my random thoughts to Him, truth rings its bell in my head, as well as my heart. He already knows. And He understands me better than I do.

Drawing me into His arms, He reassures me. “I do understand. Now, I ask you again, my child. What do you want from me for your birthday?”

“I guess I want to make the most of the years I have left on this earth.”

“Well, that’s a good thing. Go on.”

“I want to grow old productively and gracefully. Is that even possible?”

“Of course, it’s possible. I put those desires in your heart. I want you to be a woman of creative ideas for the good of my kingdom. I’d like you to be self-assured in a healthy way born out of your confidence in Me.

“My goal is to ground you in truth, while rounding you in ways that make you approachable. I yearn for you to be aware of the beauty around you and to be sensitive to the needs of others. I like it when you’re easily amused with yourself and especially when you delight in Me with child’s eyes.

“Continue to develop a growing faith and to influence others for Me. Meanwhile, I’d love to see you lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously. Live the life I give you with delicious abandon. History holds you securely in the palm of its hands. Elizabeth, don’t worry about the past or the time you have left. Focus on Me and you will make the most of the years I planned for you before you were born. And remember, I’ll be with you all the way and throughout eternity.”

Filled with wonder, I kneel before my King, speechless. When He gently places his hand on my bowed head, His whisper resonates throughout my being. “As you delight in Me, I will give you the desires of your heart. You have nothing to dread. For:

Do you not know: have you not heard? I am the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. I will not grow tired or weary, and my understanding no one can fathom. I give strength to the weary, and increase the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but if you hope in Me, you will renew your strength. You will soar on wings like eagles; you will run and not grow weary, you will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV)

As I leave the throne room, I’m at peace with who I am and what I have to offer the Lord. I look forward with renewed resolve to the next time I meet with the mirror. With a grateful heart, I’ll look a little deeper than the surface. And I’ll smile and say, “You’re right, Mirror. Regardless of what the world says or the clock steals, I am truly blessed. I have many reasons to soar and from now on, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

Let the soaring begin!

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Comments
4 Responses to “An Exposé on Aging – Pt. 2, My Conversation with God”
  1. Deborah Fields says:

    Liz, this is how I have been feeling-thanks for sharing!

  2. Liz, I love this post. So precious! And I’m right there with you and fretting over wasted time. I love the verse in Joel about redeeming the years the locusts have eaten, and I feel like I need to pray that over my own writing life.

    But I don’t think you’ve wasted that much time considering all you do for your family. You’ve had a shared ministry with your husband and raised 5 daughters. And you continue to be involved in their lives, so I’m now right there with God and saying “Lighten up!”

    I hope today is filled with joy 🙂
    Love, Susan

    • Thanks, sweet friend for your Godly perspective and encouragement. I like that verse, as well. Since you reminded me of it, I think I’ll use it in my Crumbs tomorrow. 🙂

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